How to Stop Being a People-Pleaser and Focus on Your Work
# Lifestyle # Life Hack # Job Tips

How to Stop Being a People-Pleaser and Focus on Your Work

post by Lyanne

by Lyanne

Oct 16, 2020
at 10:24 AM

It's okay if you like to help people, but if you're too focused on being a people-pleaser, you will find yourself stressed out and your productivity negatively affected. However, if you learn to say NO, you can finally concentrate on your work. You will also stop people from taking advantage of you.

 

Being a people-pleaser is not good for you.

Do you know that you are regularly haunted by distractions when you're at work? For example, your phone. All it takes to distract you is a single notification beep. 

What is it now? An email? or WhatsApp message? It doesn't matter. It never ends. You might think turning the phone off will stop the distraction. 

No, in actuality, turning the phone off only delays the inevitable, and you will still need to answer those emails and messages.

We're not talking about urgent messages; we're talking about things that are not related to your duties such as other people's work, useless meetings, and dull events that do not benefit you.

But as a people-pleaser, what matters is how you respond.

woman crossing arms saying no
Remember your responsibilities at your workplace, make sure you're not doing someone else's job for them.

Example distractions and what a people-pleaser thinks

Email / WhatsApp: "URGENT, NEED YOUR HELP on this very irrelevant task"
What a people-pleaser thinksWell, this task is not relevant to me, but it sounds like they could use my help. Why not?

Useless Meetings: "There is no point to this meeting but we're having one anyway." 
What a people-pleaser thinks:  The meeting will only take an hour. Maybe we will achieve something productive this time. The work can wait.

Excuses: "Sorry, I can't finish my work today, my wife's aunt's cousin passed away." 
What a people-pleaser thinksHmm… maybe they're close, let's give them extra time to deliver their work.

Events — "Don't miss this extraordinary, once in a life-time, all day conference. This networking opportunity only happens every blue moon." 
What a people-pleaser thinksMaybe this time, I will get to network with someone influential, and we can get a business project.

Coworker asking for favours: "I just saw this cool feature on a blog site. We totally need it. It should not take much time to build this easy feature, right?" 
What a people-pleaser thinksI might have 15 other tasks waiting to be finished by the end of today, but sure, I guess I have to prioritise the coworker's unnecessary request.

 

Saying NO actually helps YOU.

It's not easy to say NO, but the word is profoundly liberating. When you think, "this issue does not require my immediate attention, or it is counterproductive therefore we're not doing this," you are embracing your intuition.

When you consider saying NO, there's probably a good reason why you think that way. The word NO is how you stop distractions, be honest to yourself, and stay on the course.

Have you ever agreed to do something you do not believe is right or want to do? It takes a toll on your mental health. You have a job to do, and every time someone interrupts you, your productivity comes to a stop. It kills your vibe. 

Trust your gut whenever you think of pleasing others. Do not let others take advantage of you.

man surrounded by documents
Saying 'No' is not about being rude, it's about not being taken advantage by others.

How to solve this issue

How do you say NO without offending your colleague?

The answer is it is all about effective communication. People will finally respect you for disagreeing with them. Saying NO is not an act of disrespect. It shows you have a vision, a plan, and an opinion.

By precisely explaining your needs, issues, or deadlines (in advance, if possible), you start to reduce distractions. This way, you will stop feeling the need to please people because you have a plan laid out.

Here's an example: You have a project with a client, but the client wants you to do this extra task. If they're not paying for that task, then you should say no. Free work does not pay the bills, and it depletes your resources. If you say NO, you will be able to carry on with the project without a hitch and finish it on time.

 

People-pleasing halts production, reduces revenue and creates a guilty inner demon who laughs at you for agreeing to things you know is a waste of time. 

When you say NO, it shows you're in control of the situation and ensures that you will finally get to finish your job.

Source: LifeHacker